Digital BW, The Print

DEPRESSED MAN DIAGNOSED AS "BRITISH"

George Farthing, an expatriate British man living in America, was
recently diagnosed as clinically depressed, tanked up on
anti-depressants and scheduled for controversial Shock Therapy when
doctors realised he wasn't depressed at all - only British. 'Not
depressed, just British' Mr Farthing, a British man whose
characteristic pessimism and gloomy perspective were interpreted as
serious clinical depression, was led on a nightmare journey through
the American psychiatric system.

Doctors described Farthing as suffering with Pervasive Negative
Anticipation - a belief that everything will turn out for the worst,
whether it's trains arriving late, England's chances at winning any
international sports event or even his own prospects to get ahead in
life and achieve his dreams.

"The satisfaction Mr Farthing seemed to get from his pessimism seemed
particularly pathological," reported the doctors. "They put me on
everything - Lithium, Prozac, St John's Wort," said Mr Farthing. "They
even told me to sit in front of a big light for an hour a day or I'd
become suicidal. I kept telling them this was all pointless and they
said that it was exactly that sort of attitude that got me here in the
first place."

Running out of ideas, his doctors finally resorted to a course of
"weapons grade MDMA", the only noticeable effect of which was six
hours of speedy repetitions of the phrases "mustn't grumble" and "not
too bad, really". It was then that Mr Farthing was referred to a
psychotherapist. "Suicidal?" Dr Isaac Horney explored Mr Farthing's
family history and couldn't believe his ears. "His story of a
childhood growing up in a gray little town where it rained every day,
treeless streets of identical houses and passionately backing a
football team who never won, seemed to be typical depressive ideation
or false memory. Mr Farthing had six months of therapy but seemed to
mainly want to talk about the weather - how miserable and cold it was
in winter and later how difficult and hot it was in summer. I felt he
wasn't responding to therapy at all and so I recommended drastic
action - namely ECT or shock treatment".

"I was all strapped down on the table and they were about to put the
rubber bit in my mouth when the psychiatric nurse picked up on my
accent," said Mr Farthing. "I remember her saying 'Oh my God, I think
we're making a terrible mistake'."

Nurse Alice Sheen was a big fan of British comedy giving her an
understanding of the British psyche. "Classic comedy characters like
Tony Hancock, Albert Steptoe and Frank Spencer are all hopeless cases
with no chance of ever doing well or escaping their circumstances,"
she explained to the baffled US medics. "That's funny in Britain and
is not seen as pathological at all."

Identifying Mr Farthing as British changed his diagnosis from 'clinical
depression' to 'rather quaint and charming' and he was immediately
discharged from hospital, with a selection of brightly coloured leaflets
and an "I love New York" T-shirt.