Yamaha DTXpress/DTXplorer/DTXtreme

OK that's just one of the many problems I have...

I am NOT a drummer and I never really will be but I bought the kit 
because I like to air drum and plus my buddy is a drummer and we can 
use it to play around with and record demos and such.

Next, I have NO rythm... no I'm not just bad I have NONE!  When I 
used to sing a few songs with my previous band (I am a sound guy) the 
drummer would have to cue me in with his splash cymbal to start 
singing!!  Seriously I just have no internal clock... I think I also 
have just as much trouble listening while playing which just adds to 
my "condition"... I'll just be jamming along with the songs in the 
dtxpress III and then I realize I'm half a count off or I can easily 
play the snare on 1 and 3 instead of 2 and 4 ... it won't matter to 
me till I try to hit that crash on the down beat ;)

OK that said, what is the best exercises and ways for me to learn how 
to play these here drums... I understand most of the basic beats (I 
have been attempting to play drums pretty much all my life... but I 
can't play with a band)... one of my problems is my right foot just 
wants to go to town merrily tapping away at quater notes, eighth 
notes whatever I happen to also be playing on my right hand (see a 
pattern?)  I can sit there and dillegently play a striaght rythm with 
the song but that's pretty much no fun and not much fun to watch 
either.  I "groov checked" myself playing a straight quater note beat 
to a song forever (I think it was in loop mode on accident) and I 
would drag the beat slightly... not sure it that helps... oddly if I 
try and just tap quater notes on a pad with the stick I will rush the 
beat!

Is there any hope for me?  Besides BORING drills of just hammering 
out quater note patterns for hours and hours?  I've noticed counting 
helps a good bit... I guess it keeps me focused but I definatly loose 
the count when I try to do a fill.

Sorry for the novel but I figured I would let you in on the severity 
of my handicap ;)

Thanks,
Gilligan