Fairlight-CMI

This was funny enough that I couldn't resist, enjoy:

Said to be authentic radio chatter on emergency channel 106 held 
between Americans and Spanish, October 16th 1997.

And even if not genuine, it's still pretty funny (btw, it's 
translation of translation, but I tried to keep fidelity as exact
as possible).



Spains:
This is A-853, we request that you change your course 15 degrees 
to avoid collision, you're rushing straight on us, distance: 25 nautic 
miles.

Americans:
We suggest _you_ alter course 15 degrees north, so we avoid collision...

S:
Negative... We repeat: Change your course 15 degrees south to avoid
collision,

Americans (different voice):
This is the captain of U.S. Marine vessel, we insist that you 
alter course to avoid collision...

S:
We can comply to this decision, because we don't think it reasonable or
possible at this moment... Change your course, unless the collision 
will happen...

A:
THIS IS RICHARD JAMES, THE CAPTAIN OF USS "LINCOLN" CARRIER, US MARINE
CORPS; THE SECOND LARGEST WARSHIP OF AMERICAN FLEET. WE INFORM YOU THAT 
WE ARE ESCORTED BY FOUR SUBMARINES, 6 DESTROYERS AND TWO CRUISERS. 
WE HEAD TOWARDS PERSIAN GULF, WHERE WE ARE COMMENCING MILITARY EXCERSIZE.
I DO NOT SUGGEST, BUT DEMAND THAT YOU ALTER YOUR COURSE BY 15 DEGREES.
IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY WE WILL BE FORCED TO TAKE WHICH EVER STEPS NECESSARY
TO ASSURE SECURITY OF THIS VESSEL, AS WELL AS ALLIED FORCES. AND SINCE YOU 
ARE IN THIS COALITION AND NATO, WE DEMAND YOU COMPLY AND CHANGE COURSE.

S:
Juan Manuel Salas Alcantara here.
We are two, escorted by our dog, we have food, two beers and canarie, who 
sleeps now.
We are secured by La Coruna radio and emergency marine communication 
channel 106.
WE AREN'T HEADING ANYWHERE, WE TALK TO YOU FROM SPANISH MAINLAND, TOWER 
A-853, GALLIC COAST.

WE HAVE NO F***ING INFORMATION ABOUT OUR RANK AMONG SPANISH 
LIGHTHOUSES.

YOU MAY TAKE WHAT EVER STEPS YOU THINK OF, TO ASSURE SECURITY OF YOUR DAMN 
SHIP, WHICH IS ABOUT TO CRASH ON CLIFF. THEREFORE WE ONCE AGAIN SUGGEST
YOU ALTER COURSE 15 DEGREES SOUTH TO AVOID COLLISION, OK??????

Rambo