The Logic Off Topic list

>Peter B. Beacock said:

>Best wishes to each and every one of you during this holiday
>season.   Peace on Earth          Good Will Towards Men


The problem is, have you heard the news!?

Here it is:

***NEWS FLASH*** - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - -
AUSTIN, Tx (Dec. 4) - Attorneys for Texas Governor
George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today,
seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list
and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an
immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas
icon, asking the court to effectively ban his
traditional practice of checking the list of good boys
and girls one additional time before packing his
sleigh.

The suit, filed in the Federal District Court of
Austin, Texas, asks a federal judge to "hereby order
Mr. Claus to cease and desist all repetitive and
duplicative list-checking activity, and certify the
original list as submitted, without amendment,
alteration, deletion, or other unnecessary
modification."
"There are no standards for deciding who is naughty,
and who is nice. It's totally arbitrary and
capricious. How many more times does he need to check?
This checking, checking, and re-checking over and over
again must stop now," said former Secretary of State
James Baker.

 Baker further claimed that unnamed GOP observers
witnessed an elf remove all boys named Justin from the
'nice' list, filing them under'naughty' instead
because "everyone knows all boys named Justin are
brats."
 
Gov. Bush cited the potential for unauthorized list
tampering, and blasted what he called the "crazy,
crazy mess up there at the North Pole."

"Their security is really awful, really bad," said
Bush. "My mother just walked right in, told 'em she
was Mrs. Claus. They didn't check her ID or nothing."

 Meanwhile, Dick Cheney, Gov. Bush's running mate,
issued a direct plea to St.Nick himself. "Mr. Claus, I
call on you to do the honorable thing, and quit
checking your list. The children of the world have had
enough.They demand closure now," Cheney said, adding
that his granddaughter has already selected a name for
the pony she's asked for.

The Rev. Jesse Jackson was quick to respond to this
latest development with plans to lead his protesters
from Florida to the North Pole via dogsled. The
"Million Man Mush" is scheduled to leave Friday.
"We need red suits and sleighs, not law suits and
delays," Jackson said.

Santa Claus could not be reached for comment, but a
spokeself said he was "deeply distressed" by news of
the pending legal action against him. "He's losing
weight, and he hasn't said 'Ho Ho' for days," said the
spokeself.  "He's just not feeling jolly."