EXS 24 Logic Sampler Users Group

--- In exs-users@y..., Eli Krantzberg <elik@c...> wrote:
>
> ANNOUNCING THIS FABULOUS NEW RELEASE FROM 
"SOUNDS LIKE I'VE HEARD THIS
> BEFORE, INC."

i wasnt aware we'd employed you as our pr? you'll be hearing 
from our lawyers presently.

 
> The latest CD-ROM collection for all major formats:

nb - not compatible with akai, roland, emu, 
kurtz-however-its-spelled, mac, or pc.
updates for all formats available soon on our website.

> Hugely Disappointing Sounds!!! Volume XX

we believe that good customer relations means treating the 
gullible morons with honesty and integrity.

 
> Includes 400 loop grooves with names like Super Phat, Killer 
Hip Hop,
> Killer Hip Hop 2,
> Ultra Rave, DJ Srectacular, Triple X Ambience

pretty kewl huh!? i spent a considerable amount of time reading 
other manufacturers literature and cherry picking the most eye 
catching bastardisations of the english language i could find.

> but all sound like an
> obscure drum machine from 1980 programmed by a brain 
damaged
> chimpanzee!!!

you have access to our labs?

> 200 Amazing Drum Hits that were taken from a drunken street 
performer,
> recorded on the corner of St. Laurent and Ste. Catherine!!


that's an outright lie, i was sober at the time.

 
> read what the critics are saying:
> Sublime Oboe - "...like a wino retching through a kazoo..." - 

ok, i wasnt sober that time.

> Perfect Cello - "Sounds exactly like the Sublime Oboe"  - 

no no, the oboe was recorded after 3 bottles of red wine, the 
cello only 2 (we're working on the update!)

> Heavenly Harp - "Rusty bed springs with the mic in a toilet 
bowl" -

this has been a popular misconception on several lists - they 
werent rusty.

> 21st Century Orchestral HIts - "Flushing a toilet with the mic 
inside,
> with some weird harp playing in the distance" 

sometimes you users have NO idea the lengths we don't go to to 
bring you the finest samples on the planet - have you any idea 
how expensive a full body wet suit is?

> Martin Vintage Ac. Guitar - "...what piece-of-shit mic did they 
use?"

no irish people were abused during the making of this cd.

> 3 CD set comes complete with detailed liner notes from other 
companies'
> CDs!!

if it aint broke, dont fix it.

> Buy before July 1st and pay only $1,000 USD!!!!  

exclusivity costs. 

(Will crash certain
> computers. See details in liner notes)

hey, if it's good enough for celine dion.....

ernest b stipplemeister 
phat mofo predukshunz
hollywouldnt

"dope beets for dope fiendz"