EXS 24 Logic Sampler Users Group

Hi All,

Thought I'd contribute a lighter post to the discourse.

------------------


ANNOUNCING THIS FABULOUS NEW RELEASE FROM "SOUNDS LIKE I'VE HEARD THIS
BEFORE, INC."

The latest CD-ROM collection for all major formats:

Hugely Disappointing Sounds!!! Volume XX

Includes 400 loop grooves with names like Super Phat, Killer Hip Hop,
Killer Hip Hop 2,
Ultra Rave, DJ Srectacular, Triple X Ambience, but all sound like an
obscure drum machine from 1980 programmed by a brain damaged
chimpanzee!!!

200 Amazing Drum Hits that were taken from a drunken street performer,
recorded on the corner of St. Laurent and Ste. Catherine!!!

read what the critics are saying:

Sublime Oboe - "...like a wino retching through a kazoo..." - Electronic

Musician
Perfect Cello - "Sounds exactly like the Sublime Oboe"  -  Synthesizer
Magazine
Heavenly Harp - "Rusty bed springs with the mic in a toilet bowl" -
Keyboard
21st Century Orchestral HIts - "Flushing a toilet with the mic inside,
with some weird harp playing in the distance"  - CD-Rom.com
Martin Vintage Ac. Guitar - "...what piece-of-shit mic did they use?"
Guitar Player

3 CD set comes complete with detailed liner notes from other companies'
CDs!!

Buy before July 1st and pay only $1,000 USD!!!!  (Will crash certain
computers. See details in liner notes)

go to http://www.hearditbefore.fu.com




--
Eli Krantzberg
Nightshift Orchestra / Almat Productions
http://www.nightshiftorchestra.com

--- In exs-users@y..., Eli Krantzberg <elik@c...> wrote:
>
> ANNOUNCING THIS FABULOUS NEW RELEASE FROM 
"SOUNDS LIKE I'VE HEARD THIS
> BEFORE, INC."

i wasnt aware we'd employed you as our pr? you'll be hearing 
from our lawyers presently.

 
> The latest CD-ROM collection for all major formats:

nb - not compatible with akai, roland, emu, 
kurtz-however-its-spelled, mac, or pc.
updates for all formats available soon on our website.

> Hugely Disappointing Sounds!!! Volume XX

we believe that good customer relations means treating the 
gullible morons with honesty and integrity.

 
> Includes 400 loop grooves with names like Super Phat, Killer 
Hip Hop,
> Killer Hip Hop 2,
> Ultra Rave, DJ Srectacular, Triple X Ambience

pretty kewl huh!? i spent a considerable amount of time reading 
other manufacturers literature and cherry picking the most eye 
catching bastardisations of the english language i could find.

> but all sound like an
> obscure drum machine from 1980 programmed by a brain 
damaged
> chimpanzee!!!

you have access to our labs?

> 200 Amazing Drum Hits that were taken from a drunken street 
performer,
> recorded on the corner of St. Laurent and Ste. Catherine!!


that's an outright lie, i was sober at the time.

 
> read what the critics are saying:
> Sublime Oboe - "...like a wino retching through a kazoo..." - 

ok, i wasnt sober that time.

> Perfect Cello - "Sounds exactly like the Sublime Oboe"  - 

no no, the oboe was recorded after 3 bottles of red wine, the 
cello only 2 (we're working on the update!)

> Heavenly Harp - "Rusty bed springs with the mic in a toilet 
bowl" -

this has been a popular misconception on several lists - they 
werent rusty.

> 21st Century Orchestral HIts - "Flushing a toilet with the mic 
inside,
> with some weird harp playing in the distance" 

sometimes you users have NO idea the lengths we don't go to to 
bring you the finest samples on the planet - have you any idea 
how expensive a full body wet suit is?

> Martin Vintage Ac. Guitar - "...what piece-of-shit mic did they 
use?"

no irish people were abused during the making of this cd.

> 3 CD set comes complete with detailed liner notes from other 
companies'
> CDs!!

if it aint broke, dont fix it.

> Buy before July 1st and pay only $1,000 USD!!!!  

exclusivity costs. 

(Will crash certain
> computers. See details in liner notes)

hey, if it's good enough for celine dion.....

ernest b stipplemeister 
phat mofo predukshunz
hollywouldnt

"dope beets for dope fiendz"

> i wasnt aware we'd employed you as our pr? you'll be hearing
> from our lawyers presently...

Superb commentary. I really enjoyed this post. Thanks for cheering me up.

LOL (a lot). -Jer

on 5/11/02 11:19 AM, Eli Krantzberg at elik@... wrote:


> 200 Amazing Drum Hits that were taken from a drunken street performer,
> recorded on the corner of St. Laurent and Ste. Catherine!!!

was that before, or after, she finished her Chez Paris set?

Regards,

   Shane


-- 
Shane Fawkes,
Langley, B.C. Canada

sfawkes@...




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Shane Fawkes wrote:

> on 5/11/02 11:19 AM, Eli Krantzberg at elik@... wrote:
>
> > 200 Amazing Drum Hits that were taken from a drunken street performer,
> > recorded on the corner of St. Laurent and Ste. Catherine!!!
>
> was that before, or after, she finished her Chez Paris set?
>

Hi Shane,

We're getting really OT here, but you obviously know Montreal. The Chez
Paris is on Stanley between St Catherine and Rene Levesque; several blocks
west of the above mentioned sampling session location :-) But there are
other strip joints at St Catherine and St. Laurent!


--
Eli Krantzberg
Nightshift Orchestra / Almat Productions
http://www.nightshiftorchestra.com

----- Original Message -----

From: Eli Krantzberg
To: exs-users@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sunday, May 12, 2002 10:00 PM
Subject: Re: [exs] Anyone Interested?


Shane Fawkes wrote:

> on 5/11/02 11:19 AM, Eli Krantzberg at elik@... wrote:
>
> > 200 Amazing Drum Hits that were taken from a drunken street performer,
> > recorded on the corner of St. Laurent and Ste. Catherine!!!
>
> was that before, or after, she finished her Chez Paris set?


Chez Paris or chez Par\ufffde ??? :o) or at the "foufoune \ufffdl\ufffdctrique" !
Igor

yael wrote:

>
>
> Chez Paris or chez Par\ufffde ??? :o) or at the "foufoune \ufffdl\ufffdctrique" !
> Igor
>

I see you know Montreal as well!! I'm not certain if the Foufoune \ufffdl\ufffdctrique
is still around. I think it closed a couple of years ago. I seem to remember
some contreversy about noise affecting the surrounding neighbours and zoning
issues. But it's a bit vague in my memory; I'm not certain.



--
Eli Krantzberg
Nightshift Orchestra / Almat Productions
http://www.nightshiftorchestra.com

----- Original Message -----

From: Eli Krantzberg
To: exs-users@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Monday, May 13, 2002 4:01 PM
Subject: Re: [exs] Anyone Interested?


yael wrote:

>
>
> Chez Paris or chez Par\ufffde ??? :o) or at the "foufoune \ufffdl\ufffdctrique" !
> Igor
>

I see you know Montreal as well!! I'm not certain if the Foufoune \ufffdl\ufffdctrique
is still around. I think it closed a couple of years ago. I seem to remember
some contreversy about noise affecting the surrounding neighbours and zoning
issues. But it's a bit vague in my memory; I'm not certain.
*************
I'm not from Montr\ufffdal but Paris...
I was in Montr\ufffdal few years ago :o) i like the town a LOT ! :o)
Igor